This is likely the funniest thing I have read in awhile. It is from Volume 1 of the Autobiography of Mark Twain, related to him speaking about General Grant in 1881.
"I had been picturing the America of fifty years hence, with a population of two hundred million souls, and was saying that the future President, Admirals and so forth of that great coming time were now lying in their various cradles, scattered abroad over the vast expanse of this country, and then said 'And now in his cradle somewhere under the flag the future illustrious Commander-in-Chief of the American armies is so little burdened with his approaching grandeur and responsibilities as to be giving his whole strategic mind at this moment to trying to find out some way to get his big toe into his mouth - something, meaning no disrespect to the illustrious guest of this evening, which he turned his entire attention to some fifty-six years ago.'"
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